Where Splendid Psychiatric Charm meets Ivy League Prestige

Nothing screams 'old money Ivy League' like Fairfield Hills State Mental Institution. Nestled in the prefrontal cortex of pastoral New England, the 800 acre campus and working farm, with its somber red-brick buildings, arched window openings, sloped pediments & ornamental pre-cast colonnades at entrances, manicured lawns, underground railroad system and onsite morgue with state-of-the-art-leave-no-trace-incinerator, brilliantly reflects the prestige, clout, and sophistication of 21st century lux housing & accommodations.

Stay for a brief overnight in one of our lovely quaint brick & cinder confinement units with complimentary in-room cafeteria tray service, or allow our highly-trained concierge staff to arrange something a bit more inclusive, extended, or perchance, permanent.  

Whether your stay involves a healthy dose of exposure to plaster and concrete, brick and limestone, aluminum, wood, steel or asbestos shingle slow leaky drip, you can be assured of this much: it's all in good taste, scientifically-proven, animal-tested, government-approved. Please join us at 11:42pm in the underground tunnels for new guest orientation. Meet the staff begins promptly at 11:43pm. Lights out shortly thereafter. NOTE: All blanket parties will be announced unexpectedly. Do not ask for a heads up.

We do hope you enjoy the stay with us, however brief, or conceivably long, it may wind up to be. In short, the shackles are cold (and tight), but the food is warm (often).

Good luck and Godspeed.

The Concierge 


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