It Could Be A Lot Worse
Could it? I suppose it could. A thousand deadly snakes could cover the floor beneath my bare feet and the hallways I could discover overgrown with prickly thorns and razor sharp daggers! Speaking of sharp razors, I'd shave my head with a jungle machete or Indian hatchet then wax it down with a healthy dose of shoe polish if that was the case ('the worser case scenario' of course). Problem is I'd have to get the cleaver & bearing grease smuggled in on Visitor Day and Doc said no visitors this weekend on account of us being a bunch of total fuckin' assholes. He said that last weekend as well and I reminded him he said it and that's why I'm down here where it could be worse I suppose. At least that's what they tell me, "It could be a lot worse." That's what they say, a lot worse, but I'm not sure. What I was gonna do this morning, I think, I think what I was gonna do was make my bed this morning and inspect the hospital corners in the linen near the foot of the mattress to make sure the creases were good and crisp and symmetrical on both sides like I always do when it's time to make the beds in the morning. That's how we do it in the morning, every morning, since mornings were a thing at this place I guess. The shit green army blanket goes on top of the sheets as you probably damn well know by now--WAIT, ya'll are guests here too, right? Whats your guys's names? Shhhhh. Don't answer that--they'll hear you. Can you get me an ax or chainsaw by any chance? Wait, don't answer that. I was just kidding. But if I wasn't, could you? Get me a tank, like a bunch of tanks & a truckload of C4? Forget it, let's move on, where was I? Oh yea, the top blanket! The top blanket needs to be smooth, flat, wrinkle free, no air pockets. Take your hand flat here like this, see? Yes, just like that. And now sweep it across the top landscape of the blanket, like this, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. See? Smooth. No air pockets. Good. You see, right? YES! Like that, YES YES! Now the pillows--PAY ATTENTION TO THE PILLOWS! Hah! YES YES YES!!! Side by side folks, PAY ATTENTION, GADDAMMIT!!! "The pillows are to be arranged neatly, side-by-side, with the open ends of the cases brushing up against one another but never overlapping." NEVER OVERLAPPING!!!! You see? Never overlapping. NEVER OVERLAP! You see? SEE? You see?
I apologize. I must've lost my train of thought. I must go to the window now. Talk later.